Once inside, she saw she was in a wide entrance hall that seemed to belong to an old gothic mansion, and was certainly not the right dimensions for a narrow circular tower. The floor was tiled in black and white squares like a chessboard, but their edges seemed to be blurred; in fact, the whole room seemed to be shifting and moving and seemed never to stay still. The heavy chandelier that hung from the ceiling swung from side to side. It was like being on a ship at sea or in one of those fairground fun houses. Alice walked unsteadily across the hall.
The Cheshire Cat appeared in mid-air before her.
“Welcome to the Fun-House,” he said.
“What’s going on in here?!” asked Alice.
“Oh, you’ll find many of the Inventor’s half-formed ideas and dreams live here. They haven’t all quite taken shape yet, as you can see.”
Alice walked past some odd-looking contraptions that looked vaguely familiar, though she couldn’t quite place them. Though there were some distinctive objects too: she walked past bookshelves and a small table where a game of chess lay abandoned. Alice noted that a white pawn had nearly made it to the other side of the board.
“Watch out!” said the Cheshire Cat. Alice ducked as a grand piano went sailing over her head.
Then she looked around for the Cheshire Cat, but he had gone again.
“Whose dream is this?” thought Alice, not for the first, second, or even thirty-third time that day (if, indeed, this was a ‘day’ she was in).
Ahead of her was a spiral staircase, but instead of the steps being stationary they moved upwards like an escalator. Alice got on and held on to the handrail tight.
The upper floor was a white, circular hallway with four narrow corridors leading off from it. In front of one of the corridors stood a little girl with dark hair in a white dress. It seemed as though she had been waiting for Alice. The most curious thing was the girl was all black and white like an old photograph, and her dress was old-fashioned and lacy with a high collar; it looked Victorian.
The girl didn’t speak to Alice but looked at her for a moment with her dark eyes, then silently turned and walked down the corridor behind her. Alice followed, presuming her to be some sort of guide. The girl turned a corner, and when Alice had followed her around, she had disappeared.
Ahead of Alice was a long, white corridor, seemingly without end, with doors lining the walls on each side. Alice started walking down the corridor, and as she passed the doors, some opened, and things came out.
Out of one a great quantity of unusual insects came flying. Some of them looked like rocking-horses with wings:
“A rocking-horse fly!” said Alice.
Another kind looked as though it were made out of thin crusts of bread, with a glob of butter for a head.
“A bread-and-butterfly?” guessed Alice.
And then there was another which she wasn’t sure about: it had holly leaves for wings and a burning raisin for a head. What could they be? Such curious things they were!
Out of another door burst Humpty Dumpty, who was no longer covered in bandages but whose shell was shining and whole again.
“I’m healed!” he cried ecstatically, racing past Alice. “I’m new! I’m whole! I’m born again! I’m –” And here there was a great crash.
Poor Humpty Dumpty – he must have fallen down the stairs. Alice turned to go back to him but found the corridor came to a dead-end right behind her! Curiouser and curiouser! She turned and walked back down the corridor a little way and then looked back – the dead-end was again right behind her, as if she’d gone no distance at all. She kept walking then, afraid the wall would catch up with her, and all the while doors kept opening and strange things kept coming out.
Out of one some goldfish came swimming, through the air. A couple of them looked like her goldfish.
“Argyll! Olly! What are you doing out of your tank?” They both swam around and around her, opening and shutting their mouths, looking quite pleased with themselves, as far as goldfish are able to. Then they swam off through another open doorway. A creepy clown peered out at her through the next one, and Alice quickly moved on. Suddenly the Mad Hatter came running down the corridor towards her.
“ALICE!” he cried. “I’M AFRAID THIS IS ALL TOO MUCH FOR YOU! YOU MUST HAVE SOME TEAAAAA!!!”
“I’M OKAY!!!” said Alice, batting him off. “REALLY, I’M FINE!!!!” She had no idea why they were speaking in capital letters, or why they were using so many exclamation marks. She must really be going around the bend….
She shut her eyes tight and then opened them again. The Hatter was gone, and now she was standing in a plain circular room, with a lightbulb pointing up from the floor.
Alice looked up. There was an old-fashioned leather sofa and a coffee table on the ceiling. It looked like the room was the wrong way up…
The voice of the Cheshire Cat chuckled, and said,
“Why don’t you take a seat?”
The room flipped upside-down, and Alice landed in a heap on the sofa.
The Cheshire Cat materialised, curled up on the coffee table.
“How long will you keep this up for?” asked Alice.
“Keep what up? It has nothing to do with me.”
“Well, when will this madness end?”
“You must find the Inventor.”
“You mean Lewis Carroll?”
“I mean what I say.”
“How do I find him?”
“The only way is up.”
And the Cheshire Cat disappeared again.
“I wish he’d stop doing that,” said Alice.
Alice rose from the sofa and walked towards the door. She needed to find more stairs, she guessed, and she had the curious feeling that she was running out of time…
Behind the door was another corridor that seemed to go on forever. She ran and ran, but there was no end in sight.
“You’ll never get anywhere like this,” said the voice of the Cheshire Cat, from the air around her.
“Up, I need to go up!” said Alice frantically to herself. And as she said it, somewhere a giant clock began ticking; she heard it, coming from above. What was she going to do? She wished the White Knight was here. She was lost. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping that when she opened them, she’d be somewhere else. Her feet left the floor, and she began moving, floating upwards…
She opened her eyes to see she was flying towards a beautiful bright light… it was heavenly.
“I’m going up!” thought Alice joyfully.
And so she was. She travelled at lightning speed. The wind rushed through her hair. It was like flying on the Gryphon, except there was nothing supporting her – and then she became afraid; what if she fell?
Her progress began to halt –
“Don’t stop Alice, you’re nearly there!” said the Cheshire Cat, beside her. And he was positively beaming with encouragement.
Alice began to move upwards again more rapidly. Up and up, and then, before she knew it, she had come to rest on a small landing. On the landing was a door. And on the door was a gold plaque which read, in formal lettering: